WHY I WAS GONE.

♥

Hey Zengarmy,


Guess who won the 2017 World's Most Inconsistent Blogger Award?

( lol i hope you guys got the joke or else i will be cringing )



3.3 weeks. 23 days. 552 hours. 33120 minutes. 1987200 seconds.
That's how long I've been gone from this blog — which doesn't happen
that often (for those of you who actually cared). And I'm not guilty of
that. I'm here to tell you that if a situation makes you feel suffocated,
pulling yourself out of that situation will be the perfect first step to go.
For the longest amount of time, this blog has been a little space online
where I poured my heart and soul into. I literally designed every tiny
detail on this blog without using a pre-made template like most other
bloggers did (#noteanoshade). You CANNOT imagine how many nights
I've spent reading blogs after blogs after blogs just to draw inspiration
to perfect this blog. I guess you can say that I'm a little bit passionate.



Okay. Maybe overly passionate.



Many people didn't understand it. They thought: "oh well, it's that silly
boy doing that silly little project that will do him no good". I wanted to
prove them wrong, more so, I wanted to prove to myself that I'm able to
do this as long as I persevere. The journey so far had been a bittersweet.
I found myself realizing more and more about the blogosphere — both the
pretty & ugly sides of it. If anybody were to ask me, say, 3 years ago, on
what it takes to be a successful blogger (or successful in life, in general),
I would not hesitate to say that authenticity would be the only thing you
need. But now, I would just say: "be pretty and attractive, or else you can
go home." Pretty people have it easier, that's a universal truth you cannot
deny. I've seen pretty bloggers who started out with the same position as
me now gaining more readerships than me, even though you can tell that
they literally GAVE ZERO FUCKS about their writing. All they have to do is
to post a picture of themselves looking snatched and millions of people will
read their content and pretend to be very inspired by their mediocre content.
And I'm not just saying this in the context of the blogosphere (blogging world)
because this theory can literally be applied in whatever fucking context in life.

Also, I realize people on the internet
aren't necessarily appreciative of the
truth. Most of the time they enjoyed
living in bubbles of self-righteousness.



I don't want to sound like a preacher (I already sounded like one) here but if you
want to feel more strongly towards what I'm trying to point out here, you can
check out Rebecca's YouTube channel (I've referenced her videos a few times
on my blog). I've been a viewer of her since 2012 but lately she's been getting
a considerable amount of hate for being vocal about her depression. Can you
see the point here? Depression is her truth — but you can see that in most
of her videos, some responses were not supportive at the slightest. You can see
comments like "why are you making depression such a big deal?" or "please stop
whining" — all these comments made me feel disgusted towards the internet.
I'm pretty sure if another attractive person speaks about her depression online
people would be all going kerfuffle and be like "owh sweetheart what is wrong
with you" or "we are all here with you please stay strong". I am truly disgusted.



Mental health is often disregarded,
until somebody killed themselves
— and then suddenly everybody is
crying about how they didn't notice
what they could have done to help.



A few months ago I started going to a counselling session provided by
my university. I realized I felt REALLY upset & angry whenever I feel like
I couldn't keep up with the rest of the world. I would be pissed at myself
for not knowing the "news" on social media that I should've known sooner.
I would stay up late just to finish watching all the snapchat "stories" that
I knew it's okay to miss — but I didn't want to feel like I'm missing out.
You can see that at this point, social media has quickly turned into my
worst nightmare. I felt obliged to read EVERY social media post all of
the freaking time — and I'm fully aware that it's unhealthy for my mind.



And so I sought help from a therapist.



I decided to not let my "fear of missing out" control my life anymore.
I want a life where I can walk down the street without having to worry
about how many "stories" I've missed, or how many people will be pissed
at me for not keeping them updated about my life. I want a life like that.

During that period of time I managed to put out this cover on my YouTube channel
and I was very happy with it. This song is from Lorde's latest album "Melodrama".

▲ Don't mind the cringiness of this picture.

I don't really know what's exactly the point of this post (as usual)
but I guess this is me telling you that I will no longer be as active
as I used to be on this blog anymore. Perhaps I will change the
weekly update tradition to a monthly roundup, who knows?



Hope to see you around ;)

Post edit : As expected, I noticed a few people
unfollowed this blog and I just want to say that
I'm VERY GLAD you did that because it's your
loss and not mine — please. don't. ever. come.
back. You're not welcomed by this community.


♥

          

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