💐 SPRING / SUMMER 2018 EDIT 💐

♥

Hey Zengarmy,


I got that summertime ,
                   summertime sadness .

▲ Photo courtesy of the talented @jimmymarble on Instagram

Greetings ! As you're probably able to tell by the new design of my blog (tsk tsk),
I have "a thing" for the spring / summer season 😅 Something about the vibrant & fun
colours during this season makes my creative juices boil & my hands itching for some
spring-summer revamp to spruce up my boring wardrobe & music playlist. Hence, in
today's post, I'm going to show you a bunch of colours that inspired me (creatively)
as well as some fashion items that I've been lusting over and a brand-new playlist
that I've been jamming to everytime I think of the fact that I'm not at Coachella.

Love my music taste? Follow me on my Spotify to stay updated!



♥

          

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HEY, EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY.

♥

Hey Zengarmy,

I've been thinking a lot about this quote lately, and how frustratingly
oblivious I still am towards this small, little fucking thing called love.
I'm not so sure about online dating anymore. This post is a note to self,
but I'm putting it on my blog as a gentle reminder to all of us who are
on the same journey of self-healing, to stop depending on other people
to love us the way we should love ourselves. Not too long ago (in fact
it was just yesterday), I received a comment on my last post, asking
about my progress with J — and all I could really do was to lie down
on my bed, and cry. I am, not that sure about anything, anymore.



It's over between me & J.

He loves me not.

You thought I would've known better after a couple of my previous
encounters with some fuckboys who grew their brains in their ball
sacs & their balls in their skulls (oh wow did I just randomly create
a rhyme? *pats self on the shoulder*), but no — I'm still that foolish
boy who loves totally, tenderly, and tragically. Still that foolish boy
who falls in love with boys who do not want commitment, who take
me as a plaything they can toss aside after they're bored with me,
who see me as another trophy in their boys-I-have-toyed-feelings-
with collection. Like many other fuckboys, J is just another one.
But oh dear, I really loved him. I really love him. I still love him.

And I hate myself for that. I have no idea how many more blows my heart
can take before it fully crushes — every time I see a silhouette or hear a
voice that reminds me of him. I knew I had to let him go, and I did. Block
his number, checked. Delete all of his pictures from my gallery, checked.
Unfollow him on Instagram, checked. I cut him off from my life, and I'm
the only one who's running out of oxygen to survive. There will be days
when I woke up feeling like a champ, but today is one of those many
days that caught me completely off guard. I missed him, so, so much.

I guess the only thing I can do right now is to embrace the pain, huh?
A few days ago I was sitting down and having dinner with my friend
at an eatery, and I saw a Persian guy (this is the most tea I will spill)
around my age holding hands with a Chinese girl and sitting down at
the table just in front of me — and I properly balled my eyes out.
The thought of seeing him falling in love with another person who's
not me is still too much for me to handle at the moment, knowing
that I was, probably just another experiment for him to explore his
bisexuality. Unknowingly, I landed myself in the same situation as
the one in Call Me By Your Name, and it was not a fun experience.



Oh I'm so fucked right now.
Love can be such a painful
thing, when it turned sour.

This post is a complete mess — an exact representation of how I'm feeling
inside out right now. There's so much more that I could write down here,
but right now I'm a mess, a complete mess. And I just wanted to create
something. All these visuals are snippets of my thoughts that cannot be
explained better in words (and I thanked Tumblr for that, lol). I also
made a Spotify playlist out of all these messy feelings, so enjoy that!



I guess I will see you in my next one. Bye for now.

PS: a shameless self promo here,

my best friend Veronica launched

a website selling intricate phone

cases & gadgets — and she's doing

a free shipping sales at this very

fucking moment (yas!) It would

make my day if you can go and

show her some love & support!

♥

          

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FALL MOODBOARD 2017 🌹

♥

Hey Zengarmy,


Have you ever felt like you have SO MANY THINGS to do you need to build a factory
full of clones of yourself to get things done?! That's what I've been doing for the
past few days (I mean, not the cloning part but the so-many-things-to-do part).
The past few days had been a series of tornadoes wiping across my sanity! I had my
assignment due on last Friday (it's a paper on history of Psychology & the topic that
I've chosen is about the historical development of the concepts of personality and
chronotype — and I'm pretty pleased with my work!). Then, straight after that, I
volunteered at an event called Pink Wig-A-Thon Charity Run as a helper with my
friend for the next two days (last Saturday & Sunday) 😭 This is how university life
sabotages your sleeping schedule from lark to owl, just in case you're wondering.
PS: The event is aimed to raise awareness on breast cancer, so basically all the
participants had to wear a pink wig (as sign of salutation to all the breast cancer
survivors that went through chemotherapy) while running in a marathon. It was
cute but as a volunteered helper LET ME TELL YOU GURL EVERYTHING IS FUCKED
UP & SO UNORGANISED. The event was a collaboration between two organisations
(which shall not be named herein) and I don't think they communicated very well
(or at all) with each other. It was an overall bad volunteer experience, but oh well.
Anyway, I did a similarly themed post called "Valentine's Moodboard 2017" many
months ago & you guys seemed to REALLY LIKE IT! (It's now one of my most-read
post on this blog!) Hence, I decided to do another moodboard themed around Fall
today — even though there's no Fall in Malaysia, which is totally saddening 😩


((( To fully immerse, turn on the song )))

//  P h o t o   S o u r c e s  //

Zeng Teck

( www.instagram.com/zengteck )

Tumblr

( www.tumblr.com )

Jared Tyler

Jesse Herzog

I got most of these photos from Tumblr a while ago so I forgot the source

for most of the original photos. If your photo is featured is this post and

you would like to be credited, please feel free to drop me an email at

 zengteck@gmail.com  (I will get back to you as soon as possible!)

♥

          

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